• Clowning for PETA

Note to PETA:

If you want to make what you claim is a legitimate point against McDonald’s, don’t use a drug-addled nincompoop as one of your attention-getting frontmen.

Andy Dick, comic actor and frequent participant in drug binges and idiotic public behavior, dressed up as a parody of Ronald McDonald to be part of a PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) protest against the chain for the methods it uses to slaughter chickens.

Make up your own minds about the latest PETA vs. McDonald’s flap. And, if you want to see Dick’s sterling contribution to the dialogue, watch the video.

• They still exist???

A 136-year-old organization, gathered in Wichita, KS, this week for its annual convention, has found something current to complain about.

It’s the Women’s Christian Temperance Union, the same all-female organization that helped push through Prohibition back in 1919.

Their complaint? President Barack Obama’s suds summit with the Harvard prof and the local cop involved in a recent dustup that immediately became a cause celebre for people who love to play the race card — from either side.

Bunny Galladora (honest), WCTU media director, said the meeting sent the wrong message because “alcohol and conflicts are not a good combination.”

• So speed ‘em up, Joe

I live in an Upstate New York city just across the Hudson River from the State Capital. Thus, I get to hear and read about a lot more stupid government inactions actions than many people in other parts of the state.

The most recent deals with the decision by the State Liquor Authority (SLA) to reject an application for a liquor license by some local businesspeople seeking to open a wine/martini bar.

The reason: It is within 200 feet of a church, which automatically negates its request.

The problem: It is not within 200 feet of a church.

It is located across the street from a Salvation Army facility that most of the week is a food pantry. It holds one religious service once a week. But then, so does an entertainment venue on the same block, and no one is calling it a church.

Also, at least five other establishments on the same block hold valid state liquor or beer/wine licenses, and have for years despite the presence of the Salvation Army.

It took six months for the SLA to come up with this rejection. The right or wrong of it is obvious can be debated from various angles. What troubles me most is the excuse the SLA uses for its snail-like pace in considering license applications statewide.

During the period of months and, in some cases, years the applicants are waiting, they usually are putting time, effort and money into their facilities. A quick “No” by the SLA can dash all those hopes and lay waste to the money involved.

William Crowley, the SLA mouthpiece spokesman, says the agency has only 22 examiners divided among offices in Buffalo, Albany and New York City. They are responsible for reviewing all license applications. Crowley says the SLA received 5,315 applications between July 1, 2008, and July 1 of this year. The examiners also had to consider an estimated 7,000 applications for short-term permits, most of which are for caterers who, under state law, need a license just to serve for as little as an hour, one time. Thus, says Crowley, they can’t keep up with the workload.

Really? Let us, as they say, do the math.

• 5,315 applications received in one year
• 22 examiners
• 260 calendar work days in one year
That comes out to 242 applications per year per examiner, assuming a five-day work week. If we discount 15 days per examiner for vacations and stray holidays, that comes to about one application to be handled per day.

Doesn’t seem to be much of a workload, does it?

Now let’s look at the one-time applications.

• 7,000 applications received in one year
• 245 calendar days worked by each of 22 examiners
• That comes to 318 per examiner per year, or 1.3 applications per day.

Add it up, and we get 2.3 applications to be handled per day.

Whew! I bet those examiners are laughing their asses off have to lean back and uncap a cold one after maintaining such a blistering pace.

• Glad to be of service

I have been a card-carrying member of American Express for a very long time, progressing from Green Card to Gold Card but declining the offer of a Black Card created for zillionaires, not being in that elite financial niche.

Usually, good ol’ AmEx comes through very nicely in the service department. However, several years ago the company inexplicably issued me an Optima credit card I neither wanted, needed nor asked for. My Gold Card was serving me just fine, thank you.

I made several telephone calls to the appropriate 800 service number, explaining the error of their ways and asking them to get rid of the card for me. Each time I was assured that would happen. Each time it did not.

I did likewise online several times and was assured it would be rescinded. It was not.

Yesterday in the mail I received a letter that said, in full (although I’ve deleted certain numbers):

Re: Account Ending XXXX Optima Credit Card

Dear William M. Dowd,

We are writing to you to let you know that we have closed the account listed above because you have not used it in the last 24 months. Please be assured that we do appreciate your business.

If you have any questions, please call us at 1-800-XXX-XXXX.

Sincerely,

Jud Linville
President and CEO, Consumer Services
Member Since 1989

Well, thank you for finally getting around to filling my repeated request, Mr. Linville, even if it was for the wrong reason.

And, about the mention that you’ve been a member since 1989 — So what? I’ve been one since 1985. It still didn’t get me the service I required. So there.

• Flash: North Korea launches!

Flying in the face of world opinion strict communist philosophy, the mad regime government of North Korea has allowed the launch of a missile a TV advertising campaign for a locally-brewed beer.

The beer is billed as the “Pride of Pyongyang,” (for those of you who are geographically disadvantaged, that’s the capital city of North Korea). It tells viewers the brew will help ease stress.

The Taedonggang Beer Factory has been making the beer since buying a British brewery and shipping it in pieces from the UK to Pyongyang for reassembling. The beer has sometimes been available in South Korea, and gets good consumer reviews.

Go here to view the entire 150-minute commercial, which shows up after the bank commercial sponsoring it.

• Restaurants a go-go

For months, now, I’ve been sensing a disconnect between the news reports that tell me people are cutting back on dining and drinking out because of the bad economy and the daily sight of crowded parking lots and even lines at the front doors of many restaurants, restaurant/bars, wine/tapas places and the like.

Now, The Harris Poll has released the findings of a new study of 2,681 U.S. adults surveyed online between May 11 and 18 by Harris Interactive that explains what I’ve been observing.

It says that while majorities still are inclined to decrease spending on eating out and entertainment, the numbers are better than they had been two months ago.

I find this survey a comforting one. As a person who has had a lifelong affinity for the restaurant business — as bus boy, dishwasher, line cook, sous chef and restaurant critic — I have become increasingly annoyed at the “how to cut costs” lists disseminated in print and online. Inevitably, one of the suggestions is to stop going to restaurants. Nothing like telling the populace at large to, in effect, boycott an industry that is a huge employer in this country.

It’s one thing to tell people to order wisely — from both financial and nutritional standpoints. It is another to try creating a trend toward harming the cooks, waitstaff, cleaning people, launderers, food and drink vendors, truck drivers and myriad others who have a share in the world of dining-out.

In March, three-quarters of Americans said they were decreasing spending on eating out (74%) and entertainment (74%). Now, two-thirds say they are reducing eating out at restaurants (66%) and 64% say they have reduced spending on entertainment.

Americans are cutting back on their spending over the next six months. Specifically:

• Similar to last month, two-thirds of Americans (64%) say it is not likely they will take a vacation away from home lasting longer than a week while 36% say it is likely they will vacation away from home. In March, 35% of Americans said they would be likely to take a trip;

• Large purchases continue to suffer as more than three-quarters of Americans say it is not likely they will buy a new computer (79%), move to a different residence (81%), buy or lease a new car, truck or van (88%), purchase a house or condo (91%), start a new business (92%) or buy a boat or recreational vehicle (95%). These numbers are all very similar to March so people are still not ready to spend on the big-ticket items;

• One quarter of Americans (26%) say it is likely they will have more money to spend the way they want in the next six months which is up from 21% in March; and,

• People are slightly more likely to say that they are going to be saving or investing more money. Just over half of Americans (53%) say they are likely to save or invest more money while 47% are not likely to do so. In March, Americans were split on this as 50% said they were likely to save or invest and 50% said they were not likely to do so.

The pollsters note, “As people get ready for summer vacations, it seems as if the trips may be getting shorter and closer to home — more [damn, I hate this word] ‘daycations’ and [I hate this one even more] ’staycations.’ But, even if summer vacations may be changing this year, there are small signs that things may be getting better, at least in terms of spending. More people are eating out and spending money on entertainment, something that the studios for the big summer blockbusters will be happy to hear, but the big ticket items are still not seeing any type of rebound. Those may take a little longer to see the slight recovery that the smaller expenses are seeing.”

Full data tables and methodology are available online.

• Poor menu choice

Equality under the law seems to be merely a suggestion when it comes to the various governmental entities in New York State and the restaurants in their jurisdictions.

In the few counties in which calories must be listed on menus it’s only the companies with 15 or more outlets that are affected.

Now, Gov. David Patterson says he is thinking of introducing statewide legislation that would require owners of 15 or more restaurants in the state to post calorie contents on menus.

Such a move would apply to foods available in restaurants, supermarkets and convenience stores that have 15 or more locations in New York.

While I have no inherent objection to such information being made mandatory — after all, it is on food and beverage labels for products sold in the state, and one quick visit to a shopping mall will give you visual proof that we are, indeed, a nation of ridiculously fat people in need of dietary guidance — I do have a problem with the exceptions that would be a built-in feature of such rules.

For example, celebrity chef/restaurateur Bobby Flay would be exempt. So would New York City restaurant czar Drew Nieporent and his myriad Restaurant Group partner, the actor Robert DeNiro. Likewise exempt would be Danny Meyer who owns such Manhattan hot spots as Union Square Cafe, Gramercy Tavern, Tabla and Blue Smoke. None of them owns 15 or more restaurants.

Need more? How about such Upstate restaurant moguls as Angelo Mazzone, who owns Angelo’s 677 Prime in Albany, the Glen Sanders Mansion in Scotia and Aperitivo Bistro in Schenectady?

Or the Serroukas family who own restaurants in Hyde Park, Brewster, Guilderland, Rhinebeck, Poughkeepsie and Wappinger Falls.

Or Peter X. Kelly, who owns the Xaviar Restaurant Group which has places in Garrison, Yonkers, Piermont and Congers.

However, Bill Pompa, who built the Mr. Subb sandwich shops chain in the Capital Region, would be stuck changing his menus. The reason? He’s worked hard and smart enough to build his chain to 24 units.

The disparities can be found all over the state without looking much harder. If the governor truly wants to do something to assist the state’s consumer in making wiser food choices, he’d be better advised to avoid creating loopholes and controversy along with them.

• Nice, Tatas

India is the second most populous nation on Earth. That creates a whole array of problems. An erratic transportation system and a substandard living for many of its people are just two.

Today, Tata Motors took aim at those woes by introducing the world’s cheapest car, the Nano. It has a two-cylinder engine, a four-speed manual transmission but no air conditioning, electric windows or power steering. The initial cost will be about $2,000, although some upgraded versions will be available for more. The Nano is about 10 feet long, and has a top speed of 65 mph.

Deliveries will begin in early July, with a drawing to select 100,000 people to be the first to get the Nano, according to the folks at Tata, commonly referred to as Tatas.

No word yet on whether the Nano service center calls will be handled by out-of-work Detroit autoworkers now looking for something to do.

• Seattle another broken link in the chain

As Queen sang it, “Another one bites the dust.”

In this instance, we’re speaking of newspapers. Another closing right on the heels of an obviously panic-stricken industry’s flurry of insane cuts, give-back demands, sell-offs, restructuring, space-cutting, content-slagging, wildly flailing attempts to return to those glory days of 20+ percent profit margins that other industries could only dream about.

Some newspapers are in the dumper, true. But many only are making less profit than they did before. Underline that: A profit, just not as big. Nevertheless, they’re using the same excuse as the failing ones to shred the fabric of a media form vital to societal awareness and public service. The form that is being nibbled to death by bloggers, Web news “aggregators,” radio and TV — all of whom take reported, analyzed, edited information from newspapers rather than expend the time, effort and money it takes to do original work.

The latest victim of the newspaper blood-letting is the Seattle community, with the long-awaited D-day announced as tomorrow for the 146-year-old Post-Intelligencer.

The Hearst Corp., which had owned the newspaper since 1921, says it lost $14 million last year on the paper that had been part of a joint operating agreement (i.e., profit sharing) with the Seattle Times. It is dumping nearly all its P-I staff — about 145 of the 165 employees — and converting to an online newspaper.

It probably will do the same thing shortly in San Francisco, where it has been losing money at an even more obscene pace ever since it purchased the market’s largest newspaper, the Chronicle, and gave away its Examiner and millions of dollars to support it so it could avoid anti-trust lawsuits.

Hearst, although a legendary name in American newspapering for generations, long avoided public scrutiny of its finance because it was a private company: i.e., no public stock offerings. But it has had a very troubled newspaper division for years.

In the past 25 years or so (full disclosure: I worked for Hearst as an editor for more than 30 years) it closed newspapers in Baltimore (News American), Albany (the daily Knickerbocker News and the weekly Sun group), Clearwater, FL (Sun), San Antonio (Light) and Los Angeles (Examiner), practically gave away the daily Boston Herald as well as dozens of weekly newspapers in the LA market, and made its remaining newspaper properties pay for the barrels of red ink hemorrhaged in San Francisco and Seattle.

In both markets there was absolutely no sign of ever turning the financial corner — or even locating a corner to turn. It was purely backward management, confused marketing strategy, and, in the case of San Francisco, a failure to devise a coherent battle plan in what many consider one of the nation’s most lucrative media markets.

Hearst recently picked up several small Connecticut dailies at fire sale prices from their troubled owners, but that isn’t exactly a vote of confidence in the newspaper industry. Those papers already had been gutted to save money and are pale imitations of what good newspapers should be. Don’t look for investments there that will improve their journalistic quality.

Meanwhile, next up is the usual plank-walking for dozens more people and much of the viability of the products and their quality. The Albany Times Union has announced it is ending its contract with the Newspaper Guild and shortly will lay off dozens. The Houston Chronicle and San Antonio Express-News now are sharing copy-editing work, which is a joke considering the differences in the two Hearst markets and the lack of intimate knowledge one needs to truly be a good local paper.

People who have labored mightily for Hearst in many markets for many years now are paying the price for a lack of corporate foresight, an inability to navigate the treacherous waters of a new technological age, and the growing sense that Hearst, like other media companies, has given up the ghost of any idea of journalism as community service. The pledges are there. They’re just not being redeemed when it comes time.

A parting thought: The P-I is known for the 30-foot lighted globe that sits atop its Elliott Bay waterfront building. It has an eagle perched atop the globe with wings outstretched. Perhaps that could be converted, in the interest of truth in journalism, to a lesser bird laying an egg.

• (Some of) The drinks are on US Airways

As I was flying home from the Caribbean on a US Airways flight last Wednesday, the attendant asked if I wanted to purchase a soft drink.

“No, thanks,” I said. “I’ll wait till Sunday.”

He just grinned, but he got it.

US Airways, the sole major American air carrier charging customers for non-alcoholic beverages, bowed to industry and consumer pressure and will rescind the charges as of today, March 1.

According to a memo to airline employees from upper management:

“ …. We (are) returning complimentary sodas, juices, tea, water and coffee to US Airways. The free beverage service will resume on March 1. This change reverses part of the a la carte business model we believe is right for our business … .

“When we launched the beverage purchase program in 2008 we knew it would generate additional revenue. From this perspective the program was very successful. What we didn’t know at the time, but later experienced, was that the cabin atmosphere would also improve with fewer carts in the aisles and shorter lines to the lavatories.

“Today, while we remain firmly committed to the a la carte strategy — we also know it is a work in progress. We know customers don’t buy an airline ticket based on whether or not they will get a free soda onboard, but with US Airways being the only large network carrier to charge for drinks, we are at a disadvantage. More importantly, this difference in our service has become a focal point that detracts from all of the outstanding improvements in on-time performance and baggage handling that all of us have worked so hard to achieve over the past year.”

So, you’ll still be paying for alcoholic drinks. But, bottom line: No more $1 charges for tea or coffee or $2 charges for soft drinks, juices and water.

Very nice.

Buh-bye.

• A world view? Don’t bank on it

See those two banknotes? The top one is a 10-pound British note, the bottom one a 10-pound Scottish note. They have been legitimate currency around the world since long before the United States was even an idea.

As of the close of business Friday, each of them was worth $19.7920 in U.S. currency. It took me less than 30 seconds online to ascertain that rate of exchange. It took me only a little more than that to thoroughly confuse three naive employees of the Pioneer Savings Bank’s Brunswick, NY, branch office where I do a lot of business.

Perhaps I should say “did” a lot of business. After the rank ineptitude and dismissive attitude I witnessed, I’m seriously considering taking my business elsewhere.

The situation was simply this. I had five 10-pound notes left over from a recent trip to Scotland. That means I had roughly $100 worth of U.S. money tied up in banknotes I couldn’t spend locally. So, I went to a bank to exchange the notes for good ol’ Yankee greenbacks.

The first teller literally pulled back her hand when I presented the UK notes, as if I had tossed her a red-hot charcoal briquette.

“I don’t know what to do with these,” she stammered.

“Simple,” I said. “Just look up the current rate of exchange and I’ll see if I want to trade the notes today or wait till the rate is a little more in my favor.”

Not a bad plan, I thought, since the exchange rate was 2.06 U.S. dollars for each British/Scottish pound last week when I got the notes in the Royal Bank of Scotland in Edinburgh — without the slightest problem, I should add.

“I don’t know how,” she said, gesturing in a panicky fashion to a young man I took to be an assistant manager of some sort, although throughout my visit he never introduced himself or his title.

“Oh, we can’t access that kind of information on these screens,” he said, gesturing to the teller’s screen and starting to walk away.

“May I suggest you try a computer with Internet access?” I said. “I know you have them here. It only takes a few seconds to get the current exchange rate.”

He hemmed and hawed, then pointed in the direction of someone at another window. “She’ll have to do this when she’s finished with what she’s doing,” he said rather brusquely, then made a success of retreating to a small office across the lobby. “I have another customer I’m taking care of.”

“She” was finished in about three minutes with whatever business she was transacting, then turned to me and asked how she could help.

“I merely want to exchange these five banknotes for U.S. currency. One is a 10-pound British note, and the other four are each 10-pound Scottish notes. But they’re all worth the same amount,” I explained, wondering why in the world I had to explain something so basic to supposed banking professionals.

She picked up the notes I’d spread on her little teller window ledge and walked to the office where the presumed manager of the moment had scurried. She waited at the doorway for about five minutes till he had completed his business with the other customer. I stood right behind her.

She walked in, put the notes on his desk and said to him, “I don’t know what to do with these things. Are they checks, or what?”

“I don’t know,” he said. “We can’t do anything with these anyway.”

That was it for me. I walked in the office and, mustering up all the remaining patience I possessed, said, “They’re called money. They’re not checks, for heaven’s sake. Just look at them. All I want is to exchange them back into U.S. currency. And all you have to do is look on the Internet at the currency exchange rate to know how much to give me.”

“We can’t do that,” he said, beginning to sound more miffed than befuddled.

“Why not?” I replied. “This is a bank. You’re supposed to, among other things, change money. Any bank in Europe does it for any currency. It’s elementary banking.”

“Oh, sure,” he said with an “Aha!” look. “In Europe. But we’re not allowed to do that here. What would we do with the foreign money you gave us?”

“You’d send it to your main office, and they’d exchange it at a favorable rate with a central bank,” I said. “You mean to tell me you’ve never been taught how to make such a basic transaction?”

“Well, we just can’t do that,” he said, metaphorically — and perhaps actually, although I couldn’t see under his desk — digging in his heels. “You’ll have to go to some other bank.”

So, I went home, seething and marveling at just one more example of U.S. insulation from the rest of the real world and wondering if that ever will change.

It’s no wonder so many people in other countries think we’re such rubes. Many of us are. And Pioneer Savings Bank has a whole cluster of them.

• Great moments in governance

I can just picture the scene.

A concerned parent is out strolling with his/her offspring(s) through the park when, suddenly, a besotted pervert leaps out of the bushes and … starts mixing a cocktail right in front of them.

Oh, the horror!

Well, Utah state legislators are pushing to be sure that never happens without a legal penalty being attached. They’re actually trying to restrict restaurants from making mixed drinks in full view of minors.

Senate president Michael Waddoups says proposed legislation is necessary to protect the “safety and mental future of our children.”

If he and any like-minded colleagues have their way, restaurants that serve drinks will be forced to remodel if their bar isn’t screened off from the dining room.

Oh, the illustration above? One possible way to combat the phobia. Or, perhaps it’s a serving staff training exercise.

• Great moments in governance

New York State’s convoluted, outdated and otherwise embarassingly pathetic regulation of the sales of wine, beer and spirits continually serves up examples of things that need to be fixed.

The latest came in Henrietta, a suburb of Rochester, where the state says Mike Palmeri’s Marketview Liquor store committed an unforgiveable, unthinkable and inhuman act.

It sold wine gift bags.

Oh, the humanity!

Palmeri is allowed, as a duly licensed vassal of the Empire State government, to sell wine. And wine glasses. And wine bottle stoppers. And wine corkscrews. But, it is prohibited from selling a gift bag to put the stuff in. If you do that, Palmeri has learned, you’re in line for a $10,000 fine for running a second business! — according to the ludicrously inept State Liquor Authority.

He could, I theorize, have given the bags away and probably tacked an additional charge on some of the other items he’s allowed to sell as a way of making up the difference.

Palmeri told WSYR-TV he had no idea the law existed.

“I was incredulous, and I took everything down. I stopped doing it,” says Palmeri, a standup guy who says he doesn’t blame the state because “ignorance of the law is no excuse. It’s like saying you didn’t know what the speed limit was. I violated the statute. I think it’s pretty ridiculous, but the state needs money so they’re looking for every possible way of getting it.”

In an exchange of e-mails I had with Bill Crowley, the SLA’s director of communications, he noted that Palmeri has pled not guilty and is awaiting a hearing. And, he noted in a touch of judgment before the judgment, ” … $10,000 is the maximum fine for a violation of the ABC Law. There is no way this establishment would receive a fine anywhere near this, whether the charges hold up or not.”

Comforting. Of course, one hopes there would be no fine at all if the charges don’t hold up.

• Drawing a conclusion

John DeRosier, the editorial cartoonist for the Times Union newspaper in Albany, NY, didn’t leave any doubt in today’s cartoon about his stance on the proposal by Gov. David Patterson to allow wine sales in grocery stores.

The proposal, which the governor estimates will significantly increase state revenue through licensing and taxes, is under fire from liquor stores which have always had that niche as their exclusive province in New York State.

Thirty-five other states already allow groceries to sell wines.

• Click here to see the full cartoon posted on the blog I write for that newspaper.

• Click here to read what I wrote about Patterson’s overall plans for beverages of all sorts in his state.

• Discovering which way is up

If your airline flight is delayed this winter because of icy runways, you may have Saskatchewan potash miners to thank for much of the inconvenience.

Hmmm?

The phrase “Saskatchewan potash miners” doesn’t come up much in conversation, but it certainly should be kept in mind these days. A shortage of potash, a form of potassium carbonate, caused by the 99-day miners strike this fall, has left many U.S. airports with low supplies of a key runway de-icer because they didn’t buy sufficient advance quantities of it.

What other effects are we seeing from the strike? Well, as often happens during an extended strike, the timing was meant to be the worst possible for the business, which can be counter-productive for the strikers as well as the strikee. When 500 miners struck three mines owned by Potash Corp. they did so just as the company was pulling out all the stops to meet huge demand for potash-based fertilizer to boost crop yields in the face of rising food prices.

Now, airports, agri-business operations and other users of potash-based products are turning to alternative materials they are finding (a.) available, and (b.) often less costly.

So, the miners got most of what they wanted by putting a stranglehold on their employers, who themselves had been pulling in record profits, but in the long run may have shot themselves in the collective foot.

All of which reminds me of the beleaguered U.S. automakers and their highly-paid union workers. Their history consists of decades of demands for ridiculously high pay and perks and corporate waste and greed passed on to consumers. The auto consumers, just like the potash consumers, found alternatives — buying Japanese and Korean cars, for example — that were much more palatable.

How many times does a lesson have to be repeated before everyone learns a lesson?

• The Birds

The bird calls were beautiful. Two competing yet harmonious sounds.

The odd thing is, it was in a grocery store.

There they were, perched high up in the girders enjoying a bird’s-eye view of the shopping aisles and any stray goodies that might be dropped at the sushi bar, in the produce section, or anywhere else on the premises.

This sighting came just several days after we experienced the same thing in a BJ’s wholesale discount store, and we’ve seen wild birds hanging around other places like Home Depot and Lowe’s. Maybe we’re just beginning to notice the phenomenon, or maybe word is getting around the bird kingdom that taking up residence in such structures beats migrating in search of food and shelter.

You must have noticed the same thing. Any commercial buildings with high roofs and exposed support beams have become home to birds who wander onto the premises then become part of the scene. They twitter, sing and — regretably — defecate with glorious abandon on shoppers below.

At first we enjoy the sight and sound. Then we begin to wonder what it’s like after hours, when the crowds are gone and the lights are turned down low. Do they fly down to stalk the aisles, do they turn on the sound system and party till dawn? If we wandered in before they had a chance to fly back to their high perches, would we experience what Melanie Griffith’s mom, Tippi Hedrin, did when she was pecked aplenty in Alfred Hitchcock’s 1963 movie thriller “The Birds”?

Let’s hope we never have to find out.

• The height, and depths, of consumer idiocy

What does it say about consumerism gone amok when a 34-year-old Wal-Mart temp employee is killed in the crush of bargain-hunters mindlessly streaming into the store when it opened for business the day after Thanksgiving?

It happened today in Valley Stream, Long Island, NY. At least four other people were injured in the mob scene, police said.

“He was bum-rushed by 200 people,” co-worker Jimmy Overby, 43, told the New York Daily News. “They took the doors off the hinges. He was trampled and killed in front of me. They took me down too. … I literally had to fight people off my back.”

A police statement said shortly after the store’s 5 a.m. opening time, shoppers “physically broke down the doors, knocking (the worker) to the ground.”

A metal portion of the door was crumpled like an accordion. Witnesses told the Daily News that before the store was closed, eager shoppers streamed past emergency crews as they worked to save the worker’s life.

I can understand the energy of such concerted mass effort when it is something like the crowds that have been protesting against the government in Thailand this week, but shopping? Well, when you can pick up a 50-inch high-def plasma TV set for less than $800, it’s every man for himself. That’s become The American Way.

[Go here for scenes captured at the site of the tragedy.]

• User-generated crap

So there I was, reading the major local daily newspaper when I noticed a line under a particularly fluffy story and poor quality photo: “Story provided to the XXXXXXX.”

“Story provided” is, heaven help us, news-speak for a particularly insidious development in the shaky world of newspapering. That is, cutting staff to save money, then replacing the stories they used to write with self-promoting free material sent in by local organizations or individuals.

I remember when that idea was floated a decade ago when I still was a newspaper editor. Virtually everyone in the room except the business-side non-journalist who supported it held our noses and promised never to let such a thing happen. We wanted to stick to quality, professional journalism as a way of serving the community and maintaining a solid business model.

So much for that promise. Let’s be honest about it. The true definition of “user-generated” is “quality-deprived.”

By the way, if you want to catch up on the manic things that have been going on in the journalism world (unfortunately, they’re predominantly negative), you can visit a Topix.com section I edit on a regular basis. Just go here.