• Bruno’s rear view

It is with great sadness that I read and listen to comments from many people about the conviction this week of former New York State Senate Majority Leader Joe Bruno on two corruption charges.

In essence, they contend that because Bruno used his political clout to funnel millions of dollars into local hands for projects from playgrounds to firehouses to business facilities to anything that could bear his name (*), it was OK for him to line his pockets in exchange for being such a benefactor with taxpayer dollars.

That is known as situational ethics. Lawbreaking is OK if everyone else gets theirs. Bruno’s attitude and daily play-by-play commentary on his own trial, along with such reprehensible forgiveness of his transgressions by people who like what he did for them, are a major factor in nourishing New York’s dysfunctional, pathetic political climate.

Bruno says he’s disappointed at the jury’s decision, even though he was found not guilty of several other counts. He should be disappointed in how his own greed and misfeasance led to him becoming a convicted felony.

Bruno, who among many pursuits is a lover of race horses and has been involved in that field, once was asked what he thought about criminal charges against two organizations he had long supported with my tax dollars — the Institute for Entrepreneurship and the New York Racing Association. He gave this thoughtful, statesmanlike reply:

“It doesn’t make sense to look up a dead horse’s rectum. You want to look up a dead horse’s rectum, go ahead; it’s not something I’m going to do.”

In light of the court results, he now might prefer that view than having to look us in the eye.

---

(*) Joseph L. Bruno Town Park in Hoosick Falls, Joseph L. Bruno Family Resource Center of the Commission on Economic Opportunity for the Greater Capital Region Inc., the Joseph L. Bruno Scholarship from the New York State Summer School of Orchestral Studies, the Joseph L. Bruno Theater in the Arts Center of the Capital Region, the Joseph L. Bruno Stadium at Hudson Valley Community College, the Joseph L. Bruno Pavilion at Saratoga Spa State Park, the Joseph L. Bruno Biotechnology Development Center at Albany Molecular Research, the Joseph L. Bruno Lobby in the Greenbush Area YMCA … . I can’t go on.

• Dork from Ork

I’ve been a confirmed Robin Williams fan since he first came to national attention. Witty, clever, lightning-fast, frequently over the top but with a childlike edge that made it difficult to take offense from his antics.

I’ve been less impressed by his recent motion pictures, particularly the current “Old Dogs” with John Travolta that has, essentially, no reason for being foisted off on a ticket-buying public. So, it was with renewed hope I heard he was back on the standup comedy circuit and was going to talk about it on the “Charlie Rose” interview show on public television.

The “interview,” if one can consider the mutual admiration society hour of insider-comments, oneupsmanship wisecracks and non-stop celebrity fawning by Rose — punctuated by video clips of old Williams appearances on Rose’s show — was a disaster. But, hope springing eternal as it tends to do, I nevertheless made a mental note to watch the upcoming HBO special that Williams recently taped in Washington, DC.

I did. Well, the first 12 minutes, anyway.

After hearing more permutations of the word “fuck” in such a brief time than I thought possible –

fuck, fucking (verb), fucking (adjective), fucker, motherfucker, fucked, fuck you, what the fuck, fuck me, get the fuck out (off, up, away, etc.), unfuckingbelievable, fuck off –

accompanied by no wit, no humor, no insight and virtually no funny lines, it dawned on me: Robin Williams is finished.

We’ve seen it happen to others with a special comedic quality — Chevy Chase during a brief star arc (“Saturday Night Live” and the “National Lampoon Vacation” flicks) before he became a pathetic caricature of himself comes quickly to mind — and it’s always a bit sad to think about. Nearly as sad as performers who don’t know when to bow gracefully off the stage — perhaps to work in another niche, perhaps to avoid tarnishing an iconic career.

Robin Williams, as we know, never has known when to rein himself in. Pity.

• Luckily, she wasn’t in Scotland

• From the Associated Press

Susan Atkins, a follower of cult leader Charles Manson whose remorseless witness stand confession to killing pregnant actress Sharon Tate in 1969 shocked the world, has died. She was 61 and had been suffering from brain cancer.

Atkins’ death comes less than a month after a parole board turned down the terminally ill woman’s last chance at freedom on Sept. 2. She was brought to the hearing on a gurney and slept through most of it.

California Department of Corrections spokeswoman Terry Thornton said that Atkins died late Thursday night. She had been diagnosed with brain cancer in 2008, had a leg amputated and was given only a few months to live. She underwent brain surgery, and in her last months was paralyzed and had difficulty speaking.

• The Queen and the coin

News Item: Government ministers and Queen Elizabeth II’s most senior officials have been heavily criticized by a committee of Members of Parliament for allowing historic buildings on the Royal estate to fall into disrepair.

The Queen will be urged to open Buckingham Palace to the public more often in return for millions more pounds from the government to to pay for a backlog of repairs. It now is open only about 60 days a year.

Some of the grandest state rooms at Buckingham Palace have not been redecorated since the Queen came to the throne in 1952. The palace wiring, which should have been replaced 10 years ago, was installed in 1949. The Royal Mausoleum at Frogmore, near Windsor Castle, which houses the tomb of Queen Victoria, has been designated by English Heritage as “at risk” after part of the ceiling fell in. A large stretch of roof at Windsor Castle and at Buckingham Palace also needs replacing.

Royal Tidbits: The queen has an estimated fortune of $571.033 million, according to Forbes magazine. That is her personal wealth and does not include properties held in trust for the nation, such as Buckingham Palace, Windsor Castle, the Crown Jewels, and the Royal Art Collection are excluded. Also not included in the estimate are her privately-owned properties such as Sandringham House, Balmoral Castle, and the Castle of Mey. The worth of Balmoral alone is estimated at $261.8 million. The Crown Estate Lands also are not included in that estimate. They are said to be worth more than $12 billion.

The Queen’s annual income is about $20.45 million from the Duchy of Lancaster, and the income generated from the Crown Estate land, that had belonged to the royal family since 1066, that generated about $180 million a year, out of which about $65.5 million is paid back to the British government to cover the monarchy’s costs. Thus, she makes at minumum $135 million a year.

• Thumbs down for bank

News item: Employees of a Bank of America branch in downtown Tampa, FL, refused to cash a check for an armless man because he could not provide a thumbprint for ID. He was trying to cash a check drawn on his wife’s account at the bank, and showed the bankers two photo IDs. He was told the only way he could cash the check was if he brought his wife with him or opened a new account with the bank in his own name.

I often observe, or am caught up by, idiotic behavior and inappropriate actions of those in the business world, but in the final analysis usually am able to find some sort of sense at the end of the tunnel. This one, however, baffles me.

A rigid corporate policy is one thing, but an obviously impossible rule to follow should have at least elicited a call from someone at the bank branch to a higher-up to find out what to do in such a situation. That, of course, supposes at least one person in the branch had an operating brain cell.

• A 2nd Lockerbie tragedy

I have been to Scotland. I liked it. I especially enjoyed the hospitality of the people I met along the way, polite and friendly to a man, and woman. I also enjoyed its history, its tales of fighting for justice and equality against bad government and oppressive rulers.

Because of that, I am not foolish enough to condemn an entire population because of the actions of their government officials. If everyone in the world held our own government against us, no one ever would visit our shores. However, it will be a long time before I visit Scotland again.

The reason: One of the worst mass-murder terrorists on record was freed this week despite being sentenced to life in prison for his role in the bombing of Pan Am Flight 103, the commercial airliner that exploded over Lockerbie, Scotland, in 1988, butchering 270 innocent souls, a large number of them Americans.

And, why was Abdel Baset al-Megrahi, 57, set free? For what Scottish officials termed “humanitarian reasons.” The former Libyan intelligence operative has prostate cancer. By contrast, 259 Pan Am passengers and 11 people on the ground where the wreckage hit them still are dead.

Their lives were tossed on a metaphorical scrap heap as stark and chilling as the one show above, that mountain of debris that was Flight 103 but since that time has been nothing but a pile of refuse.

In a typical and sickening outpouring of adulation for any Arab who has slain any non-Arab, a crowd of thousands turned out to greet al-Megrahi when he landed in Tripoli, the capital of his homeland. They danced, sang and chanted. Some wore T-shirts with his face printed on them. Some waved posters bearing his image.

After all, he murdered “infidels” and only had to serve 10 or 11 days per victim. What a hero.

• More signs of the Apocalypse

Lynette “Squeaky” Fromme, the Manson murder cult follower who pointed a pistol at President Gerald R. Ford in 1975 and later escaped from prison, will be set free on Sunday.

The now-60-year-old nutjob escaped from a female prison in Alderson, WV, in 1987, was recaptured about two days later, and got an additional 15 months in prison for the escape. Otherwise, she might have been released last year for good behavior.

She said she escaped so she could be closer to Manson, who is serving a life term in California for the 1969 murders of actress Sharon Tate and eight others.

• Clowning for PETA

Note to PETA:

If you want to make what you claim is a legitimate point against McDonald’s, don’t use a drug-addled nincompoop as one of your attention-getting frontmen.

Andy Dick, comic actor and frequent participant in drug binges and idiotic public behavior, dressed up as a parody of Ronald McDonald to be part of a PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) protest against the chain for the methods it uses to slaughter chickens.

Make up your own minds about the latest PETA vs. McDonald’s flap. And, if you want to see Dick’s sterling contribution to the dialogue, watch the video.

• They still exist???

A 136-year-old organization, gathered in Wichita, KS, this week for its annual convention, has found something current to complain about.

It’s the Women’s Christian Temperance Union, the same all-female organization that helped push through Prohibition back in 1919.

Their complaint? President Barack Obama’s suds summit with the Harvard prof and the local cop involved in a recent dustup that immediately became a cause celebre for people who love to play the race card — from either side.

Bunny Galladora (honest), WCTU media director, said the meeting sent the wrong message because “alcohol and conflicts are not a good combination.”

• Who’s picking the great chefs of Hollywood?

Opinions may change after the release of the much-anticipated film “Julie & Julia” tomorrow, but for now moviegoers’ favorite film chef is a lot smaller than the late 6-foot-2 Julia Child and a lot less likely to be able to consume portions of wine as well as Julia did.

An online poll conducted by Blockbuster Inc. shows 45% of respondents selected Remy the kitchen rat voiced by Patton Oswalt in the animated “Ratatouille” their all-time favorite movie chef. Humans lined up behind him:

2. Kate Armstrong, played by Catherine Zeta-Jones in “No Reservations”
3. John Clansky, played by Adam Sandler in “Spanglish”
4. Babette, played by Stephane Audran in “Babette’s Feast”
5. Isabella Oliveira, played by Penelope Cruz in “Woman On Top”

The poll shows a more current bias than I’d have on my list which would have to include some great oldies:

1. Jacqueline Bissett as the gorgeous Natasha O’Brien in “Who’s Killing the Great Chefs of Europe?”
2. Tony Shalhoub as the temperamental Primo in “Big Night.”
3. Sihung Lung as harassed dad Master Chef Chu in “Eat Drink Man Woman”
4. Hector Elizondo as tastebud-impaired Martin Naranjo in “Tortilla Soup”
5. Steven Seagal as U.S. Navy cook Casey Ryback in “Under Siege”

• Right up my alley

Some of my early growing-up years were spent in a little community that had what we could euphemistically call “quaint” ideas about class and status.

As I grew older, I recognized them for what they were: Mind-numbing rules of thought and conduct that assumed most people would know their place in society and not try very hard to rise above their station. This was a holdover, I presume, from the Great Depression, when anyone who had anything was jealously watched by those who went without. Perhaps even a bit of the old European classism mentality as well.

One of the major determinants lay in where one began. If you lived in the West End, chances were your house was a little bigger, a little nicer, and so you were presumed to be of a better class. If you lived on the North Side, as we did, chances were your house was small, your job was in a factory or on a farm and you stayed there unless you were visiting the neutral grounds of the sprawling town park that separated the neighborhoods.

Between these extremes were the people who everyone in every neighborhood looked down on. They lived along the narrow cinder streets generally referred to as “alleys.” A lot of their dwellings were tiny, sometimes ramshackle buildings tucked in between storage sheds and garages.

The few black families in town — far fewer than today — lived in such places, as did those from broken homes — also far less prevalent then than now — along with those who just didn’t succeed in the world. The common denominator was that they all were dirt poor.

I went to school with some of the alley kids. There were stretches when we weren’t much better off financially than a lot of them. I guess that’s why I didn’t pay much attention to status. In fact, our backyard led to a place called Apple Alley, where a couple of my baseball-playing pals lived, so I knew it well.

Today, it’s known as Apple Avenue, a gentrified area of cute little apartments, converted garages, neat gardens tucked into the former junk-strewn spaces, all because people realized it was a smart move to invest in every bit of property within walking distance of the ever-growing university campus on the edge of town.

I wrote about this a few years ago when a community group in Troy, the Upstate New York city in which I have long lived, decided to put its alleys under a microscope. The city has dozens of miles of such pathways. In essence, such groups here and in other localities are looking for ways to improve the alleys, which in some cases would mean clearing brush that blocks them, or recommending better security lighting or simply coming up with ways to make them more useful. Regretably, nothing much came of it

Coincidentally, for several years I have been unscientifically but common-sensically checking the city’s alleys and have come to various conclusions. Among them:

• Too many alleys have been allowed to become open-air dumps for the convenience of some people. The city, under several administrations, has been made fully aware of this yet does virtually nothing about it.

• Alleys are undervalued in Troy, as they are in most cities. Instead of continuing to see them as furtive places to be shunned, some entrepreneurial types might consider the example of Provincetown on Cape Cod. Many of its once-neglected alleys have been transformed into pedestrian pathways between neighborhoods. Buildings have been converted into charming little homes and B&B’s with postage-stamp gardens. Some spots have become home to clusters of tiny stores that put less strain for rent and utilities on small-business owners.

The latest examination of my city’s darker pathways has resulted in “Alley Action Project 2009,” an initiative funded by the Rubin Foundation. It has a bunch of people of all ages creating and completing alleyway wall murals to brighten the city.

I have my doubts that painting pretty pictures on the walls will do much to alleviate the piles of illegally-dumped trash and garbage, the cigarette butts, discarded Styrofoam coffee and soft drink cups, and other assorted debris — all dumped there on a regular basis and inexplicably tolerated by the businesses bordering the alleyways. Paint doesn’t go far enough to foster an improved set of sensibilities by the city that fails to demand a permanent cleanup and among the peope who live in the community yet turn a blind eye to the problem.

However, it that’s what it takes to get things rolling, my heartfelt encouragement is with these people.

• So speed ‘em up, Joe

I live in an Upstate New York city just across the Hudson River from the State Capital. Thus, I get to hear and read about a lot more stupid government inactions actions than many people in other parts of the state.

The most recent deals with the decision by the State Liquor Authority (SLA) to reject an application for a liquor license by some local businesspeople seeking to open a wine/martini bar.

The reason: It is within 200 feet of a church, which automatically negates its request.

The problem: It is not within 200 feet of a church.

It is located across the street from a Salvation Army facility that most of the week is a food pantry. It holds one religious service once a week. But then, so does an entertainment venue on the same block, and no one is calling it a church.

Also, at least five other establishments on the same block hold valid state liquor or beer/wine licenses, and have for years despite the presence of the Salvation Army.

It took six months for the SLA to come up with this rejection. The right or wrong of it is obvious can be debated from various angles. What troubles me most is the excuse the SLA uses for its snail-like pace in considering license applications statewide.

During the period of months and, in some cases, years the applicants are waiting, they usually are putting time, effort and money into their facilities. A quick “No” by the SLA can dash all those hopes and lay waste to the money involved.

William Crowley, the SLA mouthpiece spokesman, says the agency has only 22 examiners divided among offices in Buffalo, Albany and New York City. They are responsible for reviewing all license applications. Crowley says the SLA received 5,315 applications between July 1, 2008, and July 1 of this year. The examiners also had to consider an estimated 7,000 applications for short-term permits, most of which are for caterers who, under state law, need a license just to serve for as little as an hour, one time. Thus, says Crowley, they can’t keep up with the workload.

Really? Let us, as they say, do the math.

• 5,315 applications received in one year
• 22 examiners
• 260 calendar work days in one year
That comes out to 242 applications per year per examiner, assuming a five-day work week. If we discount 15 days per examiner for vacations and stray holidays, that comes to about one application to be handled per day.

Doesn’t seem to be much of a workload, does it?

Now let’s look at the one-time applications.

• 7,000 applications received in one year
• 245 calendar days worked by each of 22 examiners
• That comes to 318 per examiner per year, or 1.3 applications per day.

Add it up, and we get 2.3 applications to be handled per day.

Whew! I bet those examiners are laughing their asses off have to lean back and uncap a cold one after maintaining such a blistering pace.

• The wedding crashers

We’ve all seen, in person or on film, some of the elbowing and scrabbling that can go on when single women fight for the bridal bouquet tossed at a wedding. But in Italy, home of romance and tradition, the bouquet nearly wiped out a building.

According to Corriere della Sera, the bride and groom at a wedding near Livorno hired a small plane to fly them over a line of women guests who would be waiting for the bouquet to be tossed. When it was, the flowers were sucked into the plane’s engine, causing it to catch fire and explode.

The aircraft plunged into a hostel. One passenger was hurt but 50 or so people in the hostel escaped injury.

The bridal couple, by the way, did not take part in the flyover. The woman selected to toss the bouquet was the most seriously injured.

• E-Z pest (Parts 1 and 2)

PART 1

Twice in recent weeks my wife and I had occasion to travel on New Jersey’s ugly boring convenient Garden State Parkway. We paid the usual tolls, followed the posted speed limits, and went on our merry way.

Shortly afterward, we received — on different days — notices of toll violations, one for her and one for me.

Not unusual to get different notifications since we had taken two different cars on our trips — one registered to me, one to her. But unusual in that the alleged violations had to do with the E-Z Pass toll lanes.

We don’t subscribe to E-Z Pass, for a number of reasons, chief among them the fact I don’t like the idea that a government or quasi-government agency can track my whereabouts (*), running a close second to my heartfelt belief that such agencies usually are riddled with incompetence.

Yes, the notifications had blurry photo images of our cars and the license plates were correct. However, we never use the E-Z Pass lane because we’re not authorized to do so, plus we’re not stingy or stupid enough to try evading a 25-cent toll. What would be the point?

So, I drew up a letter on behalf of both of us. It said:

To Whom It May Concern:

We have each received a “Notice of Enforcement Action” for alleged violations of toll lanes on the Garden State Parkway.

Both are in error.

• We are not subscribers to E-Z Pass.
• We do not use the E-Z Pass lanes.
• We did not avoid paying any tolls.

We suggest you look into your mechanized enforcement process to find your errors. Perhaps the situation is similar to the recent problems E-Z Pass experienced in the Buffalo, NY, area, in which large numbers of people were wrongly accused.

In addition, we are hereby requesting written withdrawal of these erroneous charges, for our records. The two notices are enclosed.

Thank you.

That should do the trick.

PART 2

Well, I just heard from the State of New Jersey today about the E-Z Pass foulup screwup scam problem.

No, not the letter of apology and clarification I requested. It was a

NOTICE OF ENFORCEMENT ACTION
SECOND NOTICE

in big black capital letters.

I’m now expecting a second such letter since this one only dealt with the original notice sent to my wife.

Once again, we’re off tilting at windmills in an attempt to get a government agency/business/other pest to rectify a problem of their own creation.

( * ) If that sounds like conspiracy theory paranoia, let me share a brief anecdote. When E-Z Pass first came into being, I was a senior editor at a daily newspaper here in the Empire State. The E-Z Pass people said no one should worry about their movements being tracked because that would never happen and no one would give out such information. One of our city editors had a long commute to work and used the Thruway on a daily basis. He signed up for an E-Z Pass card, drove on it for a while, then had one of his reporters go through a contact to get his E-Z Pass history. He had it in less than an hour.

Update: I eventually paid both tickets. A cop-out on my part, but since I have to use that same highway on a regular basis, I can’t envision myself trying to keep battling the State of New Jersey for unfettered and unharassed access even though it is in the wrong. And, for the record, I never received a human response to any of the three letters I sent, having to settle for mechanically-generated form letters that never did address the problem.

• Glad to be of service

I have been a card-carrying member of American Express for a very long time, progressing from Green Card to Gold Card but declining the offer of a Black Card created for zillionaires, not being in that elite financial niche.

Usually, good ol’ AmEx comes through very nicely in the service department. However, several years ago the company inexplicably issued me an Optima credit card I neither wanted, needed nor asked for. My Gold Card was serving me just fine, thank you.

I made several telephone calls to the appropriate 800 service number, explaining the error of their ways and asking them to get rid of the card for me. Each time I was assured that would happen. Each time it did not.

I did likewise online several times and was assured it would be rescinded. It was not.

Yesterday in the mail I received a letter that said, in full (although I’ve deleted certain numbers):

Re: Account Ending XXXX Optima Credit Card

Dear William M. Dowd,

We are writing to you to let you know that we have closed the account listed above because you have not used it in the last 24 months. Please be assured that we do appreciate your business.

If you have any questions, please call us at 1-800-XXX-XXXX.

Sincerely,

Jud Linville
President and CEO, Consumer Services
Member Since 1989

Well, thank you for finally getting around to filling my repeated request, Mr. Linville, even if it was for the wrong reason.

And, about the mention that you’ve been a member since 1989 — So what? I’ve been one since 1985. It still didn’t get me the service I required. So there.

• Flash: North Korea launches!

Flying in the face of world opinion strict communist philosophy, the mad regime government of North Korea has allowed the launch of a missile a TV advertising campaign for a locally-brewed beer.

The beer is billed as the “Pride of Pyongyang,” (for those of you who are geographically disadvantaged, that’s the capital city of North Korea). It tells viewers the brew will help ease stress.

The Taedonggang Beer Factory has been making the beer since buying a British brewery and shipping it in pieces from the UK to Pyongyang for reassembling. The beer has sometimes been available in South Korea, and gets good consumer reviews.

Go here to view the entire 150-minute commercial, which shows up after the bank commercial sponsoring it.

• Failure to communicate

“The failure of voters to pass our school budget has significant meaning,” said the teachers union president.

That might seem like an innocuous statement, until one looks at the spin created by use of the word “failure.”

In truth, there was no failure involved. The voters in this particular school district achieved their desire by rejecting the budget proposal.

Of course, this is a common misuse of language. And it’s often common among those in the education industry just as it is with those in the communications field.

The current upheaval in the New York State Senate is a good example. Right from the start, the voting shift of two ne’er-do-well Democrat senators to wrest control from their party and hand it to the Republican side was immediately labeled by both print and electronic media a “coup.”

There was no armed insurrection, no physical misbehavior, no takeover of buildings and radio stations. None of that banana republic or third world activity we often hear about. It was nothing more than a bunch of petulant, greedy, self-serving politicians — redundant, I know — and a behind-the-scenes billionaire twisting procedures around for their own benefit.

Just two examples of mis-use and corruption of our language in a universe of such things.

• Here, horsey horsey

I’m going mad. Two color image postings in a row!

I normally use black-and-white images on blog posts. I like the cleanliness of the lines and the minimalist look they help give the design of this site. However, you have to use color occasionally, such as now.

How many horses do you see?

• Sex with ducks

A novelty music video by “Garfunkel & Oates” (Riki Lindhome and Kate Micucci) is a hoot. Or a quack.

It’s prompted by a Pat Robertson quote that legalizing gay marriage would lead to legalizing sex with ducks.

Pay particular attention to the chorus.

If you like this duo, you can see more of their videos here.

• State of ignorance

The Empire State? Hah!

New York is, at best, in a state of disarray. And, that’s on a good day, which we don’t have very often.

The latest calumny is the State Senate, where a couple of sleazeballs got elected by a constituency as unaware or unintelligent as has ever been seen. They’re in the do-little governing body despite one of them being indicted for slashing his girlfriend’s face with a bottle and the other one — who probably doesn’t even live in the district he represents — adamantly refusing to pay $60,000 in fines he owns the New York City Campaign Finance Board. He already was shone up for what he is by getting caught trying to steer a bunch of taxpayer dollars — several hundred thousand of them — to a company he operates and would use that money to pay him.

Meet Hiram “Slasher” Monserrate (left above) and Pedro “Deadbeat” Espada Jr.

The two Democrats cooked up a plot with the minority Republicans in the Senate — and the backing of billionaire, failed gubernatorial candidate Tom Golisano — to throw their votes to the GOP side, thus returning the Republicans to their long-held majority by a 32-30 vote count. If everyone keeps his word. Given the record of many of our utterly useless state legislators, expecting everyone to stay true to a pledge is laughable.

A judge who the Dems asked to overturn the Senate deal recommended that instead of one branch of government telling a co-equal branch what to do the two sides spend the weekend working out their internecine squabble. Slasher and The Deadbeat promptly swung into action — by heading for plush seats at Yankee Stadium to watch the Yankees vs. the Mets while the chaos they helped create was left behind them.

Interesting that Espada doesn’t pay the money he owes, but he can afford to treat he and his buddy to cushioned reserved seats in the Legends Suite section of the new stadium, which offers in-seat wait service, concierge and exclusive access to a restaurant with an all-inclusive buffet, top-shelf liquor and private restrooms. Face value of each ticket is $650.

Espada says he was lucky enough to come across tickets for $150 each. He didn’t say how he got 77% off, if he was even telling the truth. Legislators are not supposed to accept gifts, discounts and the like. But then, we’re talking about a guy who has shown he doesn’t give a damn about rules or public opinion.

I’m not sure what Golisano was doing over the weekend while the pot he stirred by using his money and influence to manipulate an elected government boiled and bubbled. Or what Dean Skelos, the Long Island GOP incompetent who succeeded the arrogant Joe Bruno as Senate Majority Leader then dropped to Minority Leader after the last election, was doing. But they’re smaller fish in this stew of avarice, sloth and stupidity even if their names are better known around the state.

There is a rather simple solution to the embarassing mess that has made New York State’s government a national laughingstock. It will come at the next election, or the next several elections. Vote out virtually everyone now in office, and their staffs along with them. You know, those unelected and anonymous people who stroke their bosses’ egos and stoke the fires of plots and ploys.

Forget the bullshit campaign rhetoric the incumbents will toss around about the need for experienced people at the wheel. Given the ride they’ve taken us on, it would be refreshing to let some amateurs navigate. Their road map could be reading the state Constitution and the various laws and rules by which the state is supposed to be governed, and ignoring what the current incumbents have done.

It could not possibly work worse than what we have today.

• Russia’s saucer of crazy

Back in the Cold War days, when the United States was feverishly facing off all around the globe with the Soviet Union, we were always hearing whispers about flying saucers that actually were secret warplanes.

Our black ops researchers aren’t saying much about what actually went on then, not about the Soviet weaponry or our own. However, Pravda, the “official” government newspaper we never trusted then but might as well now because, as you may know, pravda is the Russian word for truth, has decided to tell the world what had been going on.

Photos of the aircraft shown above have been posted on the newspaper’s Web site. On the home page, the headline was blunt and forceful:

USAF designed flying disk
to bomb Soviet Union

Clicking on that verbiage took me to a series of photos and this news brief:

Secret documents, declassified since 1997, reveal development of a USAF “forty foot ‘flying saucer’ designed to rain nuclear destruction on the Soviet Union from 300 miles in space.”

The American saucer was called the Lenticular Reentry Vehicle (LRV).

According to the documents the bomber was designed by engineers at North American Aviation in Los Angeles under contract with the United States Air Force. The project was managed out of Wright-Patterson AFB, utilizing German engineers who had worked on WWII German rocket planes and flying disc technology.

The unique craft would have landed much like a space shuttle, re-entering the atmosphere and gliding to a landing on a dry lake, utilizing skids, instead of heavier wheeled landing gear.

I found this all very interesting and was beginning to think the journalists at Pravda had actually begun to produce a true newspaper. Until, that is, I took a look at the headlines on other stories. A sampler:

• Doctors do wonders with amputated penis
• Alien and human skulls found on Mars
• Doctors grow man’s micro-penis on his arm
• Large brothel for gay pedophiles found in St. Petersburg
• Bad girls are fun in sex, but boring in family life
• Healthy diet of Russian cosmonauts ruins NASA’s space toilets
• FBI proudly arrests Santa Claus and Easter Bunny
• Foul language leads to impotence
• Men become impotent because of women’s bare legs
• Invisible poisonous skyfish fly at 300 km/h all around us
• Women rape men when they have no one to have sex with
• Atlantis found under Antarctica
• Man marries Thai prostitute who turns out to be former man later
• Creatures living deep under Earth’s surface came from space

Those really are the Pravda headlines. You can’t make this stuff up.

Then again, maybe you can.

• Gordon F***king Ramsay

Anyone who has been subjected to Gordon Ramsay’s famously foul tirades, or merely watched them on TV from a comfortable chair, probably has wondered why people don’t call him to account for his behavior.

I know, I know. Much of it is acting out for the TV cameras to increase controversy and drive up ratings. Anyone who has seen his slightly calmer British shows compared to his flaming U.S. versions knows that. But Ramsay is not that good an actor. Much of it has to be his real vinegar-y personality.

Thus, it isn’t terribly surprising that the prime minister of Australia has labeled him a “low life.” Here’s how it came about.

Ramsay was in Australia for a set of personal appearances. He was a guest on the popular talk show “A Current Affair,” hosted by Tracy Grimshaw. He apparently made insulting remarks to another host and a member of the studio’s cleaning staff. The next day, at a food-and-wine tasting event in front of a crowd of several thousand, Ramsay is alleged to have held up a photograph of a naked woman on all fours, with multiple breasts and a pig’s face, and commented: “That’s Tracy Grimshaw. I had an interview with her yesterday. Holy crap. She needs to see Simon Cowell’s Botox doctor.” He also called Grimshaw a lesbian.

Ramsay, 42, at first claimed the insults were “tongue in cheek,” but then issued a public apology. That hasn’t done anything to lessen the furor, especially since unbroadcast footage of Ramsay in the studio makeup room popped up in the Australian media. In it, he makes cutting comments about several staffers, including a make-up artist, a cleaner, and a weather presenter. He is heard to say: “F***ing breath stinking of caffeine. … Christ almighty. … Turn around the other way. I don’t want to see your fat a** that way.”

Grimshaw, 49, described the celebrity chef as an “arrogant narcissist” and a “bully.” She also said, “Obviously Gordon thinks that any woman who doesn’t find him attractive must be gay. For the record, I don’t and I’m not.”

Prime Minister Kevin Rudd said, “All I could describe his remarks as reflecting is a new form of lowlife. I just drew breath when I saw the sort of stuff which was said about her, I just think that’s offensive. Good on Grimshaw for giving him a left upper cut.”

This isn’t Australia’s first run-in with the salty Scot. Last year, when an episode of his “Kitchen Nightmares” show was broadcast, showing Ramsay using a four-letter expletive more than 80 times in 40 minutes, a flood of complaints prompted a parliamentary review. That resulted in instructions to TV networks to review the way they rate programs.

Given Ramsay’s rampant boorishness, it probably would be better to investigate why people annoyed or offended by such behavior — real or enhanced for show biz — bother watching any of his shows in the first place.

• Paper Wait, Part 4

Have I mentioned recently my experience with the U.S. Census Bureau?

[If you've missed the saga, read Paper Wait, Paper Wait 2 and Paper Wait 3. I'll hang on 'til you get back.]

Well, I dutifully mailed out the completed American Community Survey form, which I have been told I must do under penalty of law, about 10 days ago. So, I was surprised when I got a phone call the other day from someone representing herself as being with said Bureau.

She asked me some identification questions — address, phone number, etc., which was interesting considering that the Bureau had mailed me all paperwork I’ve been discussing, and she had, after all, reached me by phone. After satisfying her curiosity that I was indeed at that moment in the abode she was curious about, she launched into a prepared spiel about the American Community Survey and its legendary special qualities.

After several attempts, I was able to insert a verbal wedge and get her to stop blathering on.

“I mailed out the completed survey about 10 days ago,” I informed her.

“Oh, well, it’s not marked down that we’ve received it,” she replied.

I felt like saying, “Well, I did,” but I decided to simply wait, silently.

“Maybe it’s still working its way through our intake system,” she offered.

I remained mute.

“Well, I’ll just mark it down that it’s in the system and we’ll wait. We might have to call you again if there’s anything we can’t read on any of the answers.”

I couldn’t maintain silence.

“Virtually all the questions were multiple choice, so all I had to do was make a check mark in the appropriate box. Do you think that would be hard to read?,” I noted.

“I’m not sure,” she said. “I’m not involved in that part of the survey.”

Oh, how I wish I wasn’t either.

• Restaurants a go-go

For months, now, I’ve been sensing a disconnect between the news reports that tell me people are cutting back on dining and drinking out because of the bad economy and the daily sight of crowded parking lots and even lines at the front doors of many restaurants, restaurant/bars, wine/tapas places and the like.

Now, The Harris Poll has released the findings of a new study of 2,681 U.S. adults surveyed online between May 11 and 18 by Harris Interactive that explains what I’ve been observing.

It says that while majorities still are inclined to decrease spending on eating out and entertainment, the numbers are better than they had been two months ago.

I find this survey a comforting one. As a person who has had a lifelong affinity for the restaurant business — as bus boy, dishwasher, line cook, sous chef and restaurant critic — I have become increasingly annoyed at the “how to cut costs” lists disseminated in print and online. Inevitably, one of the suggestions is to stop going to restaurants. Nothing like telling the populace at large to, in effect, boycott an industry that is a huge employer in this country.

It’s one thing to tell people to order wisely — from both financial and nutritional standpoints. It is another to try creating a trend toward harming the cooks, waitstaff, cleaning people, launderers, food and drink vendors, truck drivers and myriad others who have a share in the world of dining-out.

In March, three-quarters of Americans said they were decreasing spending on eating out (74%) and entertainment (74%). Now, two-thirds say they are reducing eating out at restaurants (66%) and 64% say they have reduced spending on entertainment.

Americans are cutting back on their spending over the next six months. Specifically:

• Similar to last month, two-thirds of Americans (64%) say it is not likely they will take a vacation away from home lasting longer than a week while 36% say it is likely they will vacation away from home. In March, 35% of Americans said they would be likely to take a trip;

• Large purchases continue to suffer as more than three-quarters of Americans say it is not likely they will buy a new computer (79%), move to a different residence (81%), buy or lease a new car, truck or van (88%), purchase a house or condo (91%), start a new business (92%) or buy a boat or recreational vehicle (95%). These numbers are all very similar to March so people are still not ready to spend on the big-ticket items;

• One quarter of Americans (26%) say it is likely they will have more money to spend the way they want in the next six months which is up from 21% in March; and,

• People are slightly more likely to say that they are going to be saving or investing more money. Just over half of Americans (53%) say they are likely to save or invest more money while 47% are not likely to do so. In March, Americans were split on this as 50% said they were likely to save or invest and 50% said they were not likely to do so.

The pollsters note, “As people get ready for summer vacations, it seems as if the trips may be getting shorter and closer to home — more [damn, I hate this word] ‘daycations’ and [I hate this one even more] ’staycations.’ But, even if summer vacations may be changing this year, there are small signs that things may be getting better, at least in terms of spending. More people are eating out and spending money on entertainment, something that the studios for the big summer blockbusters will be happy to hear, but the big ticket items are still not seeing any type of rebound. Those may take a little longer to see the slight recovery that the smaller expenses are seeing.”

Full data tables and methodology are available online.

• Paper Wait, Part 3

Yet another missive from my friends at the U.S. Census Bureau, a little edgier in tone than the previous letters, but still with a lingering hint of friendliness.

They still would like my cooperation — even if they swear they don’t know who I am since I was “randomly selected” — in completing a lengthy form they call “The American Community Survey.” Oh, and they remind me I still am required to do this bit of homework under penalty of law, thank you very much.

As a freethinking American, I remain curious what will become of the information they are demanding requesting from me, under penalty of law.

And, once again, they are spending my tax dollars to harass encourage me to divulge all sorts of private information about me and my spouse. Although they want to know all about everyone who lives in my house, I think I’ll risk withholding information on The Other Beings who co-habit our space. I don’t want to get their tails and whiskers all a-twitter over the indignity of Big Brother prying inquiring into our lives, under penalty of law.

In this latest communication, I am told that information coerced from elicited from me, under penalty of law, will help my government plan — in addition to the aforementioned “new schools, hospitals, and fire stations” — “programs to reduce traffic congestion, provide job training, and plan for the healthcare needs of the elderly.”

All good things for a government to be doing. And to do so, I suppose I’m being unnecessarily intelligent stubborn in asking what these survey questions have to do with those topics:

• How many times have I been married?
• How many times has my spouse been married?
• How are the two people in the household related to each other?
• What are the household residents’ ethnic origins?
• When did the residents move into the current residence — you know, the one that has been selected “at random” to interrogate quiz, under penalty of law.
• What is my monthly condominium fee, if applicable?
• Has anyone in the household ever served in the miltary?
• What kind of work do the residents of the household do?

I could go on, of course, but at this point I don’t see how the responses to any of these questions can help my government plan for “new schools, hospitals, and fire stations” or create “programs to reduce traffic congestion … and plan for the healthcare needs of the elderly.” Even under penalty of law, nothing occurs to me.

Another troubling item is the declaration in the latest letter that “The Census Bureau is required by U.S. law to keep your answers confidential.” That is about as vague a statement as you can get, unless the Census Bureau has, while I was sleeping, been assigned the task of planning the nation’s highways, running the health care system, handling public safety programs, and building new schools. The information it is demanding requesting, under penalty of law, obviously will be shared with someone outside the Census Bureau. Many someones, no doubt.

I wonder if there will come a day I receive a letter telling me the Census Bureau has cross-tabulated all of my answers having to do with my finances with those I have filed with the Internal Revenue Service and telling me they aren’t precisely the same — even though I wrote the world “estimated” on my “American Community Survey” form. That surely will tell me whether the Census Bureau, under penalty of law, actually kept my information confidential.

• Poor menu choice

Equality under the law seems to be merely a suggestion when it comes to the various governmental entities in New York State and the restaurants in their jurisdictions.

In the few counties in which calories must be listed on menus it’s only the companies with 15 or more outlets that are affected.

Now, Gov. David Patterson says he is thinking of introducing statewide legislation that would require owners of 15 or more restaurants in the state to post calorie contents on menus.

Such a move would apply to foods available in restaurants, supermarkets and convenience stores that have 15 or more locations in New York.

While I have no inherent objection to such information being made mandatory — after all, it is on food and beverage labels for products sold in the state, and one quick visit to a shopping mall will give you visual proof that we are, indeed, a nation of ridiculously fat people in need of dietary guidance — I do have a problem with the exceptions that would be a built-in feature of such rules.

For example, celebrity chef/restaurateur Bobby Flay would be exempt. So would New York City restaurant czar Drew Nieporent and his myriad Restaurant Group partner, the actor Robert DeNiro. Likewise exempt would be Danny Meyer who owns such Manhattan hot spots as Union Square Cafe, Gramercy Tavern, Tabla and Blue Smoke. None of them owns 15 or more restaurants.

Need more? How about such Upstate restaurant moguls as Angelo Mazzone, who owns Angelo’s 677 Prime in Albany, the Glen Sanders Mansion in Scotia and Aperitivo Bistro in Schenectady?

Or the Serroukas family who own restaurants in Hyde Park, Brewster, Guilderland, Rhinebeck, Poughkeepsie and Wappinger Falls.

Or Peter X. Kelly, who owns the Xaviar Restaurant Group which has places in Garrison, Yonkers, Piermont and Congers.

However, Bill Pompa, who built the Mr. Subb sandwich shops chain in the Capital Region, would be stuck changing his menus. The reason? He’s worked hard and smart enough to build his chain to 24 units.

The disparities can be found all over the state without looking much harder. If the governor truly wants to do something to assist the state’s consumer in making wiser food choices, he’d be better advised to avoid creating loopholes and controversy along with them.

• Paper Wait, Part 2

Not only have I now received another Census Bureau letter concerning “The American Community Survey,” I also received a questionnaire I am informed I must fill out and return, under penalty of law.

It tells me information gleaned from the survey will be used to help plan “where new schools, hospitals, and fire stations are needed.”

To accomplish this, the Census Bureau is demanding to know how many times each member of my household has been married.

Hmmm.

• Paper wait

I have a propensity to fill up a paper shredder every few days. That’s because, like many people, I am inundated with mailings from all sorts of sources who are of utterly zero interest to me — greedy banks, “charity” fundraisers who spend more on themselves than on the charities, frantic auto dealers, desperate real estate salespersons, gaudy sweepstakes operations … .

What I do look at are mailings from governmental entities. Not because I may learn something from them. They invariably are skewed to simply push a point of view or a reelection campaign, which sometimes are one and the same. No, it is because I love to watch my tax dollars at work.

A newly-elected member of the U.S. House of Representatives from my area, a nice gentleman I know casually who was a pretty good state-level legislator for many years, didn’t make a very good impression on me with his first major mass-mailing since taking office. It is a four-page, glossy printed mailer titled “Rebuilding bridges. Rebuilding our economy.”

It contains two photos of the congressman, a picture of a newspaper story about a local bridge project, a picture of what one presumes is that project, and a laundry list of the “accomplishments” of the Congress.

Somewhat interesting, but only to a degree. The same message could have been gotten to his constituents via e-mail, radio, TV, newspapers, and Web sites. It is neither necessary nor budget-minded to spend our dollars on a slick handout.

But the merits of that item can be debated to some extent. What really can’t was the other piece of literature I received the same day: a letter from the U.S. Census Bureau telling me that in a few days I would receive a letter from the U.S. Census Bureau.

Oh yes they did.

The opening paragraph explains what the impending letter also will tell me, I’m sure:

“In a few days your household will receive a questionnaire in the mail for a very important national survey, the American Community Survey. When the questionnaire arrives, please fill it out and mail it back promptly. The U.S. Census Bureau is conducting this survey and chose your address, not you personally, as part of a randomly selected sample.”

Interesting that this very process nullifies any statistical viability of such a survey.

Your government in action. Usually it’s your government inaction. I don’t know which I prefer these days.

• Kent State redux

Next week is the anniversary of what has come to be known as the Kent State Massacre.

On May 4, 1970, four students at the Ohio college were killed and nine others wounded, one of whom suffered permanent paralysis, when members of the Ohio National Guard opened fire on a crowd of young people. Some were protesting the U.S. invasion of Cambodia on top of our continued involvement in Vietnam, others were merely passers-by.

That was then. This is now:

(From the Associated Press)

Police say a weekend brawl and riot near Kent State University in Ohio started with the arrest of a female for underage drinking.

Kent Police Chief James Peach says 50 people were arrested Saturday at the off-campus “College Fest.” The annual party marks the near-end of the school year but is not an approved Kent State activity.

Fires were intentionally set. Peach says a large crowd chanted and challenged police and firefighters by throwing bottles, rocks and other items. Most of the people arrested were charged with misdemeanor counts of failure to disperse.

Peach also said Monday that one police officer who responded, from nearby Lakemore, had a heart attack later at his home and died.

• Karma is a bitch

The headline:

‘Mom-to-be hit by car
while fleeing bear is OK’

The question:

What the hell did this woman do to run this far afoul of the gods?

• Marilyn, before her time

Back in the early ’70s, I was a senior editor at the now-defunct Baltimore News American. As the funky, feisty counterpart to the staid establishment paper The Sun, of H.L. Mencken fame, our newsroom was the target of any pitchman who had something to sell and was looking for a frayed-collar newspaper eager to one-up The Sun.

Thus, we were immune to the blandishments of the average pitchman. When the circus came to town, we didn’t much care how many contortionists and sword-swallowers they trotted out in front of us. We even ignored the racist presidential candidate George Wallace when he came to our area to make a speech as part of his presidential campaign — and, thus, missed having a first-hand report when he was shot by a would-be assassin.

But, there was that day in ‘73 when a fresh-faced young model and would-be actress visited the newsroom to hype her new X-rated film, “Behind the Green Door.” The fact that a few days earlier we as a group had just ignored a tiger being paraded on a leash through the newsroom by his trainer only underscored the fact you had to have something very special to sell to get our attention.

Marilyn Chambers had that.

The lovely, blonde 22-year-old from upscale Westport, CT, had just hit the news by appearing virtually simultaneously as the pure-as-snow mom on a box of Ivory Snow detergent and the incredibly raunchy star of the porn film “Behind the Green Door,” which shocked the world not only by displaying the enthusiastic debauchery of a pretty girl but the then-taboo sight of sex between a white woman and a black man. It had come out in 1972, the same year Linda Lovelace caused quite a stir in “Deep Throat.”

Everyone in the 150-plus person newsroom that day, men and women alike, stopped what they were doing when Marilyn and her agent walked in to meet the newspaper’s entertainment editor. There was something utterly mesmerizing about her, not just because many of us had seen her nude, active and as splayed as a human being gets in front of a camera, but because she was truly beautiful of face, lithe of form and graceful of movement. That tiger had nothing on her, which was a fascinating situation since the Baltimore of those days was known as a haven for strippers, raunch clubs and a live-and-let-live attitude.

Marilyn never made it beyond that sort of notoriety, not even when she twice ran for vice president of the United States on the ticket of something called the Personal Choice Party in 2004 and 2008 and not even with bit parts in such mainstream films as Barbra Streisand’s “The Owl and The Pussycat” (1970) and “Rabid” (1977). She wound up doing sleazy X-rated and R-rated flicks and Cinemax-style series, bloated and unattractive and an object to be pitied. It was difficult to see the downward spiral.

Then came word the other day that she had been found dead, three days shy of her 57th birthday and largely forgotten by most people.

Marilyn Ann Taylor, her real name, was found in her Los Angeles mobile home by her 17-year-old daughter, McKenna. The county coroner said the cause of death, while under investigation, did not seem to indicate foul play.

In an online chat with AdultDVDtalk.com in 2000, the thrice-married Chambers attempted to explain what caused her to take such a radically different career path after her mainstream movies and straight modeling work.

“Back then in my naive brain I was thinking that something like ’Behind the Green Door’ had never been done before, and the way our sexual revolution was traveling I really thought it was going to be a stepping stone which would further my acting career,” she said. ” … There will always be a stigma on people who do adult films. It’s unfortunate that that’s the way society has made it.”

Given how society, cinema and sexuality have changed over the past three decades, the Marilyn Chambers of the ’70s would barely cause a ripple these days.

• A top drawer collection

I used to think my late stepfather was the master packer. Two hitches in the U.S. Navy taught him how to stow anything and everything in cramped places most ordinary people would never think to try filling with assorted bric-a-brac.

Today, my wife inherited his mantle.

It was one of those lazy spring Sundays, a day when it was still too early to dig into the garden, but not to dig into a long-unopened drawer. This one was in a dining room sidetable, the one that supports a set of pewter Jefferson cups, a set of antique glasses and decanter, and an iron clock from the historical Ansonia clockworks in Connecticut. In themselves, those are interesting items, but they are mundane compared to what The Woman To Whom I Am Related By Marriage had managed to neatly pack into the long, narrow drawer beneath them.

We all have what we lovingly refer to as a “junk drawer.” I prefer to think of such cubbyholes as troves of undiscovered treasures, things that revive memories, pique one’s curiosity, or simply leave you scratching your head. Her collection, for example, has all of those things.

To wit:

• 10 pre-Euro Irish coins of various denominations.

• A business card from the Graceland Wedding Chapel in Las Vegas where we had renewed our wedding vows lo those many years ago in front of an Elvis impersonator.

• Several boxes of note cards — 2 with cats, 1 from Colonial Williamsburg, 1 with recipes, 1 with New York City scenes, 1 with lighthouses of Cape Cod, 1 with scenes of Merishausen, Switzerland, which we had briefly visited, and 1 with a silly party invitation theme.

• One small carton of stick-on notes.

• One packet of 500 corner-stickers for adhering photos to album pages.

• 200 white notebook hole reinforcements.

• Self-adhesive vinyl doorstop bumpers.

• Pictures of the vases and a price list for Kinsale Irish Crystal we’d picked up in that Irish city.

• A card from painter Kely Knowles of the Rock Harbor Art Studio in Cape Cod, whose work hangs on our walls.

• Packets of various stamps — from France, Jamaica and U.S. commemoratives of Marilyn Monroe.

• Scotch tape.

• Felt stickers.

• Many candles.

• A heart-shaped glass bowl embossed with “25 – I ♥ NY – George E. Pataki Governor.”

• A collection of rubber bands.

• 8 replacement bulbs for holiday electric candles.

• Cape Cod Trivia cards.

• Bridal gifts of silver bottle stops.

• Florist tape and wire for making floral arrangements.

• A flat-candle holder.

• An invitation to a wedding in 2006.

• A pair of Groucho glasses, complete with large nose, mustache and bushy eyebrows.

Top that.

• Nice, Tatas

India is the second most populous nation on Earth. That creates a whole array of problems. An erratic transportation system and a substandard living for many of its people are just two.

Today, Tata Motors took aim at those woes by introducing the world’s cheapest car, the Nano. It has a two-cylinder engine, a four-speed manual transmission but no air conditioning, electric windows or power steering. The initial cost will be about $2,000, although some upgraded versions will be available for more. The Nano is about 10 feet long, and has a top speed of 65 mph.

Deliveries will begin in early July, with a drawing to select 100,000 people to be the first to get the Nano, according to the folks at Tata, commonly referred to as Tatas.

No word yet on whether the Nano service center calls will be handled by out-of-work Detroit autoworkers now looking for something to do.

• Seattle another broken link in the chain

As Queen sang it, “Another one bites the dust.”

In this instance, we’re speaking of newspapers. Another closing right on the heels of an obviously panic-stricken industry’s flurry of insane cuts, give-back demands, sell-offs, restructuring, space-cutting, content-slagging, wildly flailing attempts to return to those glory days of 20+ percent profit margins that other industries could only dream about.

Some newspapers are in the dumper, true. But many only are making less profit than they did before. Underline that: A profit, just not as big. Nevertheless, they’re using the same excuse as the failing ones to shred the fabric of a media form vital to societal awareness and public service. The form that is being nibbled to death by bloggers, Web news “aggregators,” radio and TV — all of whom take reported, analyzed, edited information from newspapers rather than expend the time, effort and money it takes to do original work.

The latest victim of the newspaper blood-letting is the Seattle community, with the long-awaited D-day announced as tomorrow for the 146-year-old Post-Intelligencer.

The Hearst Corp., which had owned the newspaper since 1921, says it lost $14 million last year on the paper that had been part of a joint operating agreement (i.e., profit sharing) with the Seattle Times. It is dumping nearly all its P-I staff — about 145 of the 165 employees — and converting to an online newspaper.

It probably will do the same thing shortly in San Francisco, where it has been losing money at an even more obscene pace ever since it purchased the market’s largest newspaper, the Chronicle, and gave away its Examiner and millions of dollars to support it so it could avoid anti-trust lawsuits.

Hearst, although a legendary name in American newspapering for generations, long avoided public scrutiny of its finance because it was a private company: i.e., no public stock offerings. But it has had a very troubled newspaper division for years.

In the past 25 years or so (full disclosure: I worked for Hearst as an editor for more than 30 years) it closed newspapers in Baltimore (News American), Albany (the daily Knickerbocker News and the weekly Sun group), Clearwater, FL (Sun), San Antonio (Light) and Los Angeles (Examiner), practically gave away the daily Boston Herald as well as dozens of weekly newspapers in the LA market, and made its remaining newspaper properties pay for the barrels of red ink hemorrhaged in San Francisco and Seattle.

In both markets there was absolutely no sign of ever turning the financial corner — or even locating a corner to turn. It was purely backward management, confused marketing strategy, and, in the case of San Francisco, a failure to devise a coherent battle plan in what many consider one of the nation’s most lucrative media markets.

Hearst recently picked up several small Connecticut dailies at fire sale prices from their troubled owners, but that isn’t exactly a vote of confidence in the newspaper industry. Those papers already had been gutted to save money and are pale imitations of what good newspapers should be. Don’t look for investments there that will improve their journalistic quality.

Meanwhile, next up is the usual plank-walking for dozens more people and much of the viability of the products and their quality. The Albany Times Union has announced it is ending its contract with the Newspaper Guild and shortly will lay off dozens. The Houston Chronicle and San Antonio Express-News now are sharing copy-editing work, which is a joke considering the differences in the two Hearst markets and the lack of intimate knowledge one needs to truly be a good local paper.

People who have labored mightily for Hearst in many markets for many years now are paying the price for a lack of corporate foresight, an inability to navigate the treacherous waters of a new technological age, and the growing sense that Hearst, like other media companies, has given up the ghost of any idea of journalism as community service. The pledges are there. They’re just not being redeemed when it comes time.

A parting thought: The P-I is known for the 30-foot lighted globe that sits atop its Elliott Bay waterfront building. It has an eagle perched atop the globe with wings outstretched. Perhaps that could be converted, in the interest of truth in journalism, to a lesser bird laying an egg.

• (Some of) The drinks are on US Airways

As I was flying home from the Caribbean on a US Airways flight last Wednesday, the attendant asked if I wanted to purchase a soft drink.

“No, thanks,” I said. “I’ll wait till Sunday.”

He just grinned, but he got it.

US Airways, the sole major American air carrier charging customers for non-alcoholic beverages, bowed to industry and consumer pressure and will rescind the charges as of today, March 1.

According to a memo to airline employees from upper management:

“ …. We (are) returning complimentary sodas, juices, tea, water and coffee to US Airways. The free beverage service will resume on March 1. This change reverses part of the a la carte business model we believe is right for our business … .

“When we launched the beverage purchase program in 2008 we knew it would generate additional revenue. From this perspective the program was very successful. What we didn’t know at the time, but later experienced, was that the cabin atmosphere would also improve with fewer carts in the aisles and shorter lines to the lavatories.

“Today, while we remain firmly committed to the a la carte strategy — we also know it is a work in progress. We know customers don’t buy an airline ticket based on whether or not they will get a free soda onboard, but with US Airways being the only large network carrier to charge for drinks, we are at a disadvantage. More importantly, this difference in our service has become a focal point that detracts from all of the outstanding improvements in on-time performance and baggage handling that all of us have worked so hard to achieve over the past year.”

So, you’ll still be paying for alcoholic drinks. But, bottom line: No more $1 charges for tea or coffee or $2 charges for soft drinks, juices and water.

Very nice.

Buh-bye.

• A horse of a different angle

In 42 years as a newspaper journalist, I had one column of commentary killed. It was about Joe Bruno’s handmaidens.

Joe Bruno, for those outside New York State, reigned as the GOP’s State Senate Majority Leader for many years, wielding a Leno-jawed countenance, carefully barbered silver hair and Machiavellian turn of mind to become one of the three most powerful people in the Empire State. The other two were Sheldon Silver, the New York City Democrat who ruled, and still does, the Assembly as Speaker, and whoever happened to be occupying the Governor’s Mansion at the time, no matter which party was in power.

After one of my columns pointing out some Bruno scalawaggery prompted a series of letters to the editor from various of his supporters, I wrote another explaining to readers what the connections were between Bruno and the letter writers. The editor of the newspaper killed that column at the last possible minute, vaguely muttering something about “Let them have their say.” As if they hadn’t already, in several ways:

Their letters were printed quickly, rather than having to wait in line behind others on other topics as was the usual practice. But, don’t for a moment think anyone in the power structure had whispered in this editor’s ear. Heaven forbid such thoughts.

Bruno, Silver and the governor of the moment. They were the infamous “3 Men In a Room” who decided who would get how much money in each year’s state budget, wheeling and dealing in secrecy and presenting their budget as a fait accompli for the cowardly lions of the Senate and Assembly to dutifully approve in sheep-like lockstep, often without even reading the complete document. Included in the document was a slush fund, usually in the $200 million range, the 3 Profiteers divvied up to hand out to pet projects to garner votes for their next re-election bids.

This was the kind of governance that prompted the Brennan Center for Justice at New York University School of Law to annoint as the nation’s most dysfunctional legislature.

Bruno, whose monumental ego was massaged by people who understood the quid pro quo of having taxpayer money shoveled their way, was a regular on the pay-and-preen circuit, appearing at various edifices named for him for his generosity with my money.

Bruno’s ego and deal making may have come back to bite him squarely on his seat of power. Even though he retired from state government last year — and immediately registered as a lobbyist — a federal grand jury last week indicted him on an eight-count felony charge, alleging he used his elected position to extract $3.2 million in private consulting fees from clients who sought to use his influence. Bruno, 79, pleaded not guilty and vowed to fight the charges when taken to court.

The matters of ego and bad business decisions go hand-in-hand. Throughout the Capital Region of New York, Bruno’s home area, we have evidence of the cult of personality that thanked him for giving them my money by labeling such things as the Joseph L. Bruno Town Park in Hoosick Falls, Joseph L. Bruno Family Resource Center of the Commission on Economic Opportunity for the Greater Capital Region Inc., the Joseph L. Bruno Scholarship from the New York State Summer School of Orchestral Studies, the Joseph L. Bruno Theater in the Arts Center of the Capital Region, the Joseph L. Bruno Stadium at Hudson Valley Community College, the Joseph L. Bruno Pavilion at Saratoga Spa State Park, the Joseph L. Bruno Biotechnology Development Center at Albany Molecular Research, the Joseph L. Bruno Lobby in the Greenbush Area YMCA … . I can’t go on.

There were many instances of Bruno’s sloppiness in assembling facts to go along with his dreams and daydreams. One of the most egregious came when he tried to help pull the wool over the eyes of the people of Troy, NY, a small city of 40,000 or so nestled on the east side of the Hudson River near the state capitol.

It was in 2003 that Bruno called an open-air press conference in Troy to present us with something he oh-so-modestly called “A vision presented by Senator Joseph L. Bruno.” I called it a hallucination.

Two years later, stuck in a newspaper conference room for an editorial board meeting, the then State Senate majority leader finally conceded on the record that the vision had evaporated.

So, what really happened to the $470 million “Harbor at Troy” waterfront project he had hyped — the one that promised such components as a Hudson River Heritage Center, a Troy Festival Center, a waterfront park and greenway, a harbor and marina, entertainment/ dining/retail spaces, a hotel and conference center, structured parking, aquariums, replicas of historic ships, a campus for U.S. Naval Academy midshipmen, a Hudson River monitoring system and on and on and on?

It all sunk under the weight of its own hot air when some very basic reporting was done. The kind of verification you might expect a powerful politician to do before attaching himself to such a project.

At the time, Bruno told us a consortium called the Hudson River Group would take care of everything. He said the developers behind the proposal helped create the widely praised Inner Harbor in Baltimore, Faneuil Hall in Boston and a riverfront project under construction in Hartford. However, neither Bruno nor anyone on his staff had conducted the due diligence such an audacious plan called for before throwing his considerable political weight behind it.

The developers Bruno praised had not, as it turned out, personally worked on any of the cited projects; the U.S. Navy had neither pledged $50 million to the project nor had plans to decommission the USS Albany and anchor it here as we were told.

In that editorial board meeting, Bruno expressed disappointment that the project had dried up, but, incredibly, once again said the people behind it had done wonderful things in Baltimore, Boston and Hartford.

“Actually, they had not,” I reminded him. “That was precisely one of the fallacies in that presentation.”

Bruno paused, stuck out that jaw, then replied petulantly, “Well, anyone who saw all those great plans they laid out would have been absolutely convinced the project would work.”

If it had, we’d be seeing some signs of the 650 construction workers who were supposed to hammer it all together, or the 1.3 million visitors we were to expect every year according to the good senator’s projections. Instead, all we saw was a political leader reluctant to admit he had been jobbed by some fast-talking developers. Or, was he intentionally part of the misdirection?

Initial exaggerations and fibs aside, did the project have merit? Bruno’s office announced six months after the original plan unveiling that a consultant would be hired to re-evaluate the project. In this same meeting two years later, he grudgingly revealed under persistent questioning that, no, no one had ever been hired and, no, no one would be. In other words, all those months later we finally were told on the record that we had been served another heaping platter of baloney.

So, as the particulars of the current bill of indictment make their way into the court proceedings, we’ll see a clash of egos, a web of intrigue, a pattern of demagoguery and, perhaps, a lesson or two on equine anatomy.

How so? Bruno, who among many pursuits is a lover of race horses and has been involved in that field, once was asked what he thought about criminal charges against two organizations he had long supported with my tax dollars — the Institute for Entrepreneurship and the New York Racing Association. He gave this thoughtful, statesmanlike reply:

“It doesn’t make sense to look up a dead horse’s rectum. You want to look up a dead horse’s rectum, go ahead; it’s not something I’m going to do.”

Should he not fare well in court, he might prefer that view than having to look us in the eye.

• A world view? Don’t bank on it

See those two banknotes? The top one is a 10-pound British note, the bottom one a 10-pound Scottish note. They have been legitimate currency around the world since long before the United States was even an idea.

As of the close of business Friday, each of them was worth $19.7920 in U.S. currency. It took me less than 30 seconds online to ascertain that rate of exchange. It took me only a little more than that to thoroughly confuse three naive employees of the Pioneer Savings Bank’s Brunswick, NY, branch office where I do a lot of business.

Perhaps I should say “did” a lot of business. After the rank ineptitude and dismissive attitude I witnessed, I’m seriously considering taking my business elsewhere.

The situation was simply this. I had five 10-pound notes left over from a recent trip to Scotland. That means I had roughly $100 worth of U.S. money tied up in banknotes I couldn’t spend locally. So, I went to a bank to exchange the notes for good ol’ Yankee greenbacks.

The first teller literally pulled back her hand when I presented the UK notes, as if I had tossed her a red-hot charcoal briquette.

“I don’t know what to do with these,” she stammered.

“Simple,” I said. “Just look up the current rate of exchange and I’ll see if I want to trade the notes today or wait till the rate is a little more in my favor.”

Not a bad plan, I thought, since the exchange rate was 2.06 U.S. dollars for each British/Scottish pound last week when I got the notes in the Royal Bank of Scotland in Edinburgh — without the slightest problem, I should add.

“I don’t know how,” she said, gesturing in a panicky fashion to a young man I took to be an assistant manager of some sort, although throughout my visit he never introduced himself or his title.

“Oh, we can’t access that kind of information on these screens,” he said, gesturing to the teller’s screen and starting to walk away.

“May I suggest you try a computer with Internet access?” I said. “I know you have them here. It only takes a few seconds to get the current exchange rate.”

He hemmed and hawed, then pointed in the direction of someone at another window. “She’ll have to do this when she’s finished with what she’s doing,” he said rather brusquely, then made a success of retreating to a small office across the lobby. “I have another customer I’m taking care of.”

“She” was finished in about three minutes with whatever business she was transacting, then turned to me and asked how she could help.

“I merely want to exchange these five banknotes for U.S. currency. One is a 10-pound British note, and the other four are each 10-pound Scottish notes. But they’re all worth the same amount,” I explained, wondering why in the world I had to explain something so basic to supposed banking professionals.

She picked up the notes I’d spread on her little teller window ledge and walked to the office where the presumed manager of the moment had scurried. She waited at the doorway for about five minutes till he had completed his business with the other customer. I stood right behind her.

She walked in, put the notes on his desk and said to him, “I don’t know what to do with these things. Are they checks, or what?”

“I don’t know,” he said. “We can’t do anything with these anyway.”

That was it for me. I walked in the office and, mustering up all the remaining patience I possessed, said, “They’re called money. They’re not checks, for heaven’s sake. Just look at them. All I want is to exchange them back into U.S. currency. And all you have to do is look on the Internet at the currency exchange rate to know how much to give me.”

“We can’t do that,” he said, beginning to sound more miffed than befuddled.

“Why not?” I replied. “This is a bank. You’re supposed to, among other things, change money. Any bank in Europe does it for any currency. It’s elementary banking.”

“Oh, sure,” he said with an “Aha!” look. “In Europe. But we’re not allowed to do that here. What would we do with the foreign money you gave us?”

“You’d send it to your main office, and they’d exchange it at a favorable rate with a central bank,” I said. “You mean to tell me you’ve never been taught how to make such a basic transaction?”

“Well, we just can’t do that,” he said, metaphorically — and perhaps actually, although I couldn’t see under his desk — digging in his heels. “You’ll have to go to some other bank.”

So, I went home, seething and marveling at just one more example of U.S. insulation from the rest of the real world and wondering if that ever will change.

It’s no wonder so many people in other countries think we’re such rubes. Many of us are. And Pioneer Savings Bank has a whole cluster of them.

• Great moments in governance

I can just picture the scene.

A concerned parent is out strolling with his/her offspring(s) through the park when, suddenly, a besotted pervert leaps out of the bushes and … starts mixing a cocktail right in front of them.

Oh, the horror!

Well, Utah state legislators are pushing to be sure that never happens without a legal penalty being attached. They’re actually trying to restrict restaurants from making mixed drinks in full view of minors.

Senate president Michael Waddoups says proposed legislation is necessary to protect the “safety and mental future of our children.”

If he and any like-minded colleagues have their way, restaurants that serve drinks will be forced to remodel if their bar isn’t screened off from the dining room.

Oh, the illustration above? One possible way to combat the phobia. Or, perhaps it’s a serving staff training exercise.

• Karma is a bitch

From the Wired.com news blog:

The 1,000-foot-long Saudi oil tanker Sirius Star has been released after a ransom was paid, two months after Somali pirates launched a shocking raid to capture the $150-million vessel and its $100 million cargo of crude oil. But, in a bizarre twist, five of the newly wealthy hijackers drowned while celebrating their windfall.

To secure the ship’s freedom, and that of her 25 crew, Vela International Marine, which operates two-dozen large oil tankers on behalf of the Saudi state oil company Aramco, apparently packed $3 million into a metal canister and air-dropped the canister from a low-flying plane, straight onto Sirius Star’s deck. …

Later, as the pirates were motoring back to shore in boats, “singing in colorful tone, and exchanging some ridiculous words,” one boat capsized and five pirates — who could not swim — drowned.

According to … Mohamed Omar Hussein, a reporter for Somali Weyn Radio in Mogadishu, other Somalis who were “great swimmers” dove to recover cash that the pirates had sealed in plastic bags. On shore, “pastoralists” collected money that washed up in the surf. Later the body of one drowned pirate was found on the beach with $153,000 on his person.